It has been a long time since I reviewed movies seriously. Anybody can do it, and practically everybody does.

But people keep asking me how I liked the new “Star Trek” movie. I didn’t. In fact, I hated it.

Whenever you criticize something other people like, the immediate comeback is “Did you even see the movie?” Yes, I saw it. I wish I hadn’t. I want my money back. And the two hours I wasted. So this is not really a review. Call it an essay. Or something worse, if you like.

People ask, “Didn’t you like the actors?” The actors were fine. The problem is with the characters. Scotty, McCoy, Sulu and Chekov were recognizable, but only as quick superficial sketches. Kirk could have been any action hero in any movie.

But young Spock! Cold, logical Spock making out with Uhura and beating up Kirk? Spock, we hardly knew you.

The whole story seems contrived to bring back Leonard Nimoy as old Spock. I love Nimoy. Everybody loves Nimoy. I interviewed him once, and he was great.

But instead of introducing a twisted, silly time travel plot, this movie would been better off sticking to its premise: joining the classic characters in the time before the ’60s TV series picks them up.

It would have been more honest to call this movie something else and make it all generic. Instead of the Enterprise, call the vessel “Starship,” manned by a Captain, a Doctor and a Scientist. Because that’s what we’re really getting.

The filmmakers wanted to cash in again on the Star Trek name, which is still worth millions, but abandoned creator Gene Roddenberry’s imagination, intelligence and optimism.

If the voyages are going to continue, we need a course correction.